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Posts Tagged ‘Food’

I’m always open to new experiences.  So when people suggest the best way to enjoy Tequila is in the form of a margarita, I’m instantly on the case.  New horizons, here I come.  A bit of learning, a bit of personal growth and some booze?  What’s not to embrace?

I think there may be a reason why the whole cocktail experience has passed me by.  It is just too complicated for me.  I’m an open-pour-drink kind of gal.  I realised very early on in the margarita evening that I am under-equipped for the proper cocktail experience.  There are currently two wine glasses in my house.  And they don’t even match each other.  There is a set of champagne flutes in the shed that I break out at Christmas, but they were in the shed goddamit and it was a cold night.  Then there’s this messy business with the salt around the rim of the (not cocktail, just wine) glass.  That was inelegant to execute and in the end I decided it added very little to the whole experience.

But finally after a lot of messing around, there was the margarita itself.  It reminded me of drinking cans of Club Lemon in my youth.  (And I’m afraid either you get that reference or you don’t.) And I liked Club Lemon a lot, so it was all good.

So I kept going with the experiment.  It was a drink that needed a savoury snack accompaniment, I felt.  And picking the right snack was a chore in itself.  But in the end I decided to enjoy margaritas the way the Mexicans intended – in my kitchen, eating Dorritos and watching re-runs of The Daily Show while my Present Husband played Angry Birds on his phone and drank Coke.    Excelente!

A thoroughly lovely evening spent broadening my cultural horizons.  And today, I feel no unpleasant side effects and thus can barrel onward with the task of scoffing the last of the kids’ Easter Eggs.  That’s the kind of new experience I can get on board with.

I suppose there is a thin line between “open to new experiences” and “easily led.”  And an even thinner line between “easily led” and “pushing an open door.”  But I’ll leave you to decide which one applies here.

PS: Eagle-eyed regular readers – which is to say, all of you – will have spotted that I have not yet gone near Stephen King, despite my earlier promise.  I’m still a bit too chicken and am working up to that one.

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I’m starting to weep for my college education.  Really, what was it for?  Yes, I seem to have spent a lot of time listening to drunks singing the collected works of Leonard Cohen while playing out-of-tune guitars.  I recall a lot of tiny flats lit by old candles wedged into Chianti bottles.  And I met my Present Husband.  All life-changing experiences.  But other than that, what did I accomplish?  It may well have been a cultureless wasteland.  As I have already mentioned, I never saw Citizen Kane, I never saw an Alfred Hitchcock film, and now I have to reveal that I never drank tequila.    Oh, for shame.  Lets hope nobody tells the taxpayers of Ireland how I misspent their money.

I remedied the tequila part last night.  I’ll admit to being not entirely sure what the fuss was about.   I had what is termed “tequila cruda,” which for the uninitiated – or those who similarly wasted four years in college – consists of a lick of  salt from your wrist, followed by a shot of tequila followed by biting on a lime.  It’s possible I missed the point of the exercise because my first impression was of imbibing furniture polish with condiments.  I was reassured that the first one was bound to be dreadful but I’d acquire a taste for it.  So I tried again.  This tequila business does require a lot of coordination and, as I’ve recently demonstrated, that’s not me.  So I thought a second attempt with more deft execution of the three phases would do the trick.  No success.  Then I decided to consider the science.  I tried more salt.  No joy.  I tried less salt.  No success.  I tried more lime.  The same.  I tried less lime.  Again, no improvement, but I did grasp the role of the lime in inhibiting the resemblance of the tequila to drain unblocker.  As my various attempts unfolded, I was starting to be less bothered by my lack of dexterity in the execution.   So I suppose they did produce a bit of personal growth.   I tried again with different permutations in the quantities but the attraction of tequila did not reveal itself to me.  On the plus side, by the time I’d realised that this tequila lark was not worth getting excited about, I was starting to think my Present Husband was hilarious, wonderful and an all-round great catch.  I suppose that did reassure me that my time in college was not entirely a wasted enterprise.

So, in conclusion, I think we can agree that tequila is not for me.  It was a novel experiment.  However, the contents of my detergent cupboard would have been cheaper and more effective.  But I know it’s nice to be nice, so I’d like to accentuate the positive of the experience.  First, I’ve remedied another little omission in my cultural life.   Second, I’ve suffered for some time with low blood pressure, which I’m fairly sure the massive salt intake has now fixed.  Take that, bloated fat cats of the pharmaceutical industry!  And, finally, as a result of all the limes, I think we can agree that I have warded off the perils of scurvy.  It’s possible I have no tooth enamel left, but a long journey on an 18th century pirate ship is now an option for me.  And that’s also something I’ve never done.

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